However, if you subtract those that are only understandable to insiders, spiced with too much old man humor or naturally not funny, there are not even that many left.
Nevertheless, I have managed to collect 25 stock exchange quotations that I consider witty, instructive, or at least entertaining.
To each quote, you will find a short comment from my side. Have fun!
Anything is possible on the stock market. Even the opposite.
There are only three directions in which stock prices can move: up, down, and sideways. Nobody knows in which direction the wind will turn next. Price forecasts are nothing more than coffee grounds reading, even if they come from “experts.”
The whole stock market depends only on whether there are more shares than idiots or more idiots than shares.
Another bon mot by Kostolany, which clarifies what influences stock prices: the relationship between supply and demand. “Idiots” are likely to be those who make the biggest mistake of all on the stock market: buy high, sell low.
If you want to make money with shares, you don’t do it with your head or your stomach, but with your bottom, by sitting on it for as long as possible.
Patience and perseverance are the essential qualities that a stock market investor should have. Just like in real life, what counts here is Perseverance beats talent. Always.
The nice thing about stocks is that you can win 1000 percent, but lose 100 percent at most.
Anyone who gets weak at the thought of a 100% loss should look into negative returns on equity. This is a threat to real estate investments that have been leveraged with outside capital.
Moreover, a total loss is difficult to imagine in a well-diversified global portfolio consisting of (exchange-traded) index funds.
Stock market profits are compensation for pain and suffering. First comes pain, then comes money.
The long-term average stock market yield is about 3–4 percent above the return of low-risk investments, such as government bonds with the highest credit rating (investment grade).
This equity risk premium is nothing more than a risk premium for enduring nerve-racking price fluctuations.
Buy stocks, take sleeping pills, and stop looking at the papers. After many years, you will see: you’ll be rich.
A plea for passive investment, even if Kostolany himself was a declared speculator.
February is one of the most dangerous months for stock market speculation. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and October.
Invest instead of speculating!
The greatest risk of our time is the fear of risk.
While speculators dare to do too much, security fanatics deprive themselves of the chance to achieve more than just value retention for their savings.
Because with savings accounts, current accounts, and the like, inflation-adjusted increases in value for assets remain a pious hope.
Courage is at the beginning of action, luck at the end.
Of course, the first equity investments cost a little effort. Primarily since one is taught from an early age how dangerous shares are.
While homeownership is a virtually foolproof investment that always pays off — spoiler: it doesn’t.
Of course, you need a little bit of luck with the whole thing. Because even if we cannot identify ideal buying and selling times in advance, they do influence the long-term return that can be achieved.
There are a thousand ways to get rid of money, but only two to acquire it: Either we work for money — or the money works for us.
Bernard Mannes Baruch
Notorious know-it-alls are happy to apply at this point: Money can’t work, only humans can. A present!
That’s why we invest the money in listed companies in which people, robots and computers work, and thus participate in the profits of these companies.
Since we do not have to do anything ourselves, it is probably legitimate to say that in this case, the money works for us. Satisfied?
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
See quote no. 8
Obviously, you don’t have to be able to predict the stock market to really make money with stocks.
That’s right. As a passive investor, you can save the crystal ball.
The shortest definition of perfection is illusion.
Less than the perfect financial decision is better than no decision at all.
The perfect investment product without disadvantages has yet to be invented. A little tip: I wouldn’t wait for that!
We do most things wrong if we want to do everything right.
I keep getting e-mails from readers, listeners, and course participants who invest endless amounts of time in the search for the (supposedly) perfect ETF — and losing sight of the forest for the trees.
More important than product selection is always the strategy!
You should spend 80 percent of your time on developing it. Dedicate the remaining 20 percent to the ETF selection.
In my stock market speculations I have never been one of those fools who always make the impossible attempt to buy only at the lowest price and sell at the highest.
Amschel Meyer Rothschild
Good plan. Unfortunately, most (inexperienced) investors do the exact opposite; see quote 2.
When all stocks go up, you meet many people who think they are gifted stock market experts.
Shortly before the turn of the millennium, there was no shortage of gifted stock market experts. Millions of previously somewhat risk-averse people put their money into securities of the so-called New Market and could hardly escape the amazement of miraculous returns.
Anyone could quickly earn a lot of money with just about any stock.
When the nightmare was over, and prices were at rock bottom, even the new stock market experts disappeared faster than they had appeared before.
The stock market and the economy are based solely on confidence in the future.
Optimists make life more comfortable, and this also applies to events on the stock market.
Share prices are not determined by the status quo, but by (positive) expectations of the future development of corporate profits.
Stock market is to keep nerves where others lose them.
Only those who stoically endure the ups and downs of prices over long periods can benefit from the attractive returns of the stock market.
Anyone who is infected by panic or greed will get out at inopportune times and thus realize painful losses.
Some look at the constant ups and downs of the stock market with a fascination they would never have for an elevator.
Dealing with share prices daily is probably one of the most nonsensical activities that private investors can waste their already limited time.
You might as well measure the height of the curb every few meters on your way to work in the morning.
But the data obtained in the process won’t get you to your destination any faster …
The value of a stock is one thing… its price is another: Greed or fear determine the stock market!
In other words: there are times when individual companies are overvalued in terms of their stock market price. And there are times when it’s the other way around.
Whether and when which false valuation exists is irrelevant to the buy-and-hold investor. The best thing is, you are merely always invested.
On the stock market you will rarely win everything that is promised. But there is one consolation: you can never lose more than everything.
Between the promises of “getting rich quickly with shares” and horror scenarios a la total loss, there is a third way with an expected return of around 6%, which seems unspectacular in the long term.
The prerequisite is a well-diversified, passively managed a global portfolio with the longest possible investment horizon of 15 years or more.
The only investor who should not diversify is the one who is always 100% right.
Since there is no such investor, the basic principle is to diversify!
The future is never clear. Even for a little certainty, you have to pay a high price. That’s why uncertainty is the friend of long-term investors.
Without uncertainty, i.e., without the risk of loss, no return would significantly exceed the inflation compensation.
Paradoxically, the acceptance of short-term uncertainty leads in the long run to a relatively safe expectation of return, see quote 21.
The best stock in life is a happy marriage.
Does it need any further explanation …?
I can calculate the orbits of the celestial bodies to the nearest centimetre and second, but I cannot calculate where the crazy crowd can drive a stock market price.
I can’t do either one or the other. So my motto is:
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WHATEVER YOU DO, DO IT WITH LOVE AND PASSION!